20th issue, September 1998
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Ladonia has now almost 3700 citizens. Herald has 1300 subscribers. In this issue we focus on Ladonia connections with the world terrorism, the spreading of Ladonian language, gossip and of course many other things
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BAK TO THE FUTURE! |
Sophistical greetings/Horatius (b)
Green Part in Ladonia. Terrorist camps needs trainees. The president is helped by thre female students. Peace process in Ladonia. |
| NEWS & GOSSIP | Ladonia in the European Mastership in Athletics. Rumours are heard, nothong is confirmed. |
| SCIENCE | All you wanted to know but always was ashamed to ask for. Interesting text on archeology. |
| AT THE END OF THE DAY | Our Minister of Health gives us some visionary aspects of travel and how
to understand the world. Don't miss his column Ask the Doctor". |
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Managing Editor: Lars Vilks
Executive Editor: Vera Porad The editors are not responsible for unrequested material sent to Ladonia Herald. We reserve the right to edit any contribution, and we take no responsibility as for incorrect use of the language (except our own). For letters, graphic material, questions, feedback, texts etc please feel free to mail us. |
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In a couple of days Sweden is going to choose its future direction. If you want more Ladonian tendencies in Sweden, vote for Bakpartiet! Sophistical greetings Horatius (b) PS Se especially WWWykort. There's one with my Ladonian motto "Ur Sverige, i tid" that you can send to all your friends. (Since media do not show much interest in the political alternatives.)
BAK TO THE FUTURE!
STATE AFFAIRS THE GLORY OF NATIONS Andreas Johanson has offered a quotation, suitable for nations: "Great nations write their autobiographies in three manuscripts--the
book of their deeds, the book of their words and the book of their
art." --John Ruskin-- |
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THE GREEN PARTY Party Registration : Name of the Party: Green Party of Ladonia Abbrv.Name: GPL Aim: Political participation with Ladonian Parliament President& Founder: Kemal Yildirim Date of Application: 26.08. 1998 Email address: ulu1963@yahoo.com Kemal Yildirim 98-3403 And Mr Yildirim writes: "Green Policies are based on sustainable use and not on unlimited consumption. This means that the rich must limit their consumption to allow the poor their fair share of the earth's resources. The Greens favour co-operation not competition, satisfying the needs of all, and not the greed of a few. The Greens favour Peace and Security, not warfare and aggression. Green Policies are based on the belief that the people want to live in harmony with their surroundings and in peace with their neighbours in a society which offers a clean and safe environment, security in the present and confidence in the future." If you wish to join the Green Party of Ladonia you can e-mail Mr Yildirim, who
is also an MP of the Ladonian Parliament representing the Greens. |
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TERRORIST CAMPS AVAILABLE IN LADONIA Do you want some terrorist training in our comfortable camps? We can offer the latest terrorist methods and much fun. Training camp 1 is for hard terrorism and camp 2 a softer version. In our courses you will be able to walk like a terrorist, look like a terrorist and drink the holy Graal like a terrorist. As we yet cannot decide whom we are to terrorize, the normal plan is that camp 1 is terrorizing camp 2 and vice versa. In camp 1 the main weapon is the square and in camp 2 the circle. Missiles are
often used in both camps. |
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PEACE PROCESS Ladonia has started the peace process. We will show our willingness
to have peace with the rest of the world. Peace is the best way to
make war, as a peaceful war sounds quite comfortable. |
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CLEAN PRESIDENT His Excellency Fernando Rodrigues is helped by three female students.
As far as we know he is handling the situation very tactfully. His contacts with
the students has not been inappropiate. He has not said this, if he had
we would strongly suspect the worst. But who knows? |
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During the last weak the Wotan City Stock Exchange (WCSE) has gone up with 45 % HESPER +15 OET (42) SULPHUR INC +12 OET (37) VERASHOP +84 OET (112) We cannot present the status of Ladonian currency. It's strength could disturb
the market. All investors in Oertug keep the currency as it is, and I am
not exaggerating, the strongest in the world. |
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NEW STAMPS Postal service has busy days. Again, new stamps were needed. Two new
stamps are on the market, stamp number 12 (showing the Wotan's tower, horizontal) and
number 13 (showing Arx 2, vertical). The stamps are available in Ladonia
internet shop. |
EUROPEAN MASTERSHIP IN ATHLETICS In August the games were held in Ladonia. Ladonia made an agreement
with the hungarians who filmed the games and sent it as if it had taken place
in Budapest. No hard feelings; Ladonians do not participate in the EM,
we are planning for the CM, the Cosmic Mastership. This gigantic spectacle
will take place next year. |
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LADONIAN LANGUAGE Håkan Smith has written what he believes is the beginning of the text of the national anthem: -Waaaal waal waaaal waaal wal wal wal waaal...... It is doubtful if that is the correct text. But we might accept it. TRANSLATION AND INVOLVEMENT IN POLITICS Salman Rushdie's "The Satanic Verses" has been translated into Ladonian. Our translator, the rather well-known statesman Saddam Hussein has made a beautiful and well sounding work of this higly interesting material. Iranian terrorists are now hunting the poor (well...) translator. |
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SHORT NEWS - NOT CONFIRMED "Our esteemed president has fooled around with Magnus af Ask! They where caught in the act in one of the swamps of Mato Grosso!" "All the smoking of cannabis is now allowed in Ladonia! "Junk bonds of The Nimis are now on sale at all major commodity exchanges" "To avoid unemployment, the notorius artist Lars Vilks of Ladonia, has burnt down his creations "Wotan" and "Nimis". He was last seen on the shores of Ladonia collecting driftwood". "The well known Swedish soap "White Lies" is now being filmed on location in Ladonia. The starlette Petra Hultgren, who is staying at Rusthållaregården in Arild, reportedly has an affair with the sercetary of State Lars Vilks. (our secret source "deep throat" says, it's not a one night stander)" - The source of this information is classified, but I can tell that
it derives from a Ladonian minister. |
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A NEW LADONIAN RECORD: THE LONGEST NAME A ladonian citizen living in Oslo has registered his fabolous name: Trond Christopher Rudolph Hieronymus Wilhelm Ferner Wedel Kraft Paludan Vtydher-Oszeleszetther
van der Rhone-Uttian-Hegle |
THE ESSENCE OF ARCHEOLOGY Ward Shelley, artist in New York has found an interesting document concerning a rather strange archeological finding: This is the actual Smithsonian Museum letter sent to an individual who apparently considers himself quite the amateur scientist. The story behind the letter below is that there is this person who digs things out of his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds. This guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway... here's the actual response from the Smithsonian Institute. Bear this in mind next time you think you are challenged in your duty to respond to a difficult situation in writing.
Dear Sir Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post, Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin: 1. The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone. 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-homonids. 3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that: 1. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on. 2. Clams don't have teeth. It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin in origin. However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institute, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating illifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench. Yours in Science,
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A CHANCE TO LEARN SOMETHING YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW (Again our higly esteemed Ward Shelley has provided Herald with these valuable facts) The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts - Charlemagne; and Diamonds - Julius Caesar. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired." The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P. The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. Cat's urine glows under a blacklight. The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado. The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver". Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan." In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined. Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate |
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This service "Ask the Doctor" has become very popular. Free medical advice! You are welcome to send health questions to the doctor himself on: Toomas.Mathiesen@nvs.ltskane.se Q: I have a terrible problem. My breath is very bad and I dare not approach other people. My dentist says it is normal but I think he is just professionally polite. Nobody takes my problem seriously. I have tried mouthwashes and everything. What shall I do? A: Do you have a boy-friend? I rather think you maybe haven´t. Anyway, he would maybe have tried to ensure you of your breath being normal just like your dentist, and I am pretty sure you would not have believed him either. In fact, your problem is such, that the more people try to convince you things are normal as normal can be, the more anxiety they create, and the more you suffer from this peculiar foul smell in your mouth, irrevocably so, forever distancing you from the company of others. Why is this so? For some reason, in the fantastic structure below the orderly and thinking cortex brain, in the limbic system, where strong feelings are processed, an idea has gotten stuck, your breath is foul. The symbolic significance of it could be interesting to find, and I believe would be beneficial to understand, but we have no space for this here, and there exists a therapeutical shortcut. Relevant facts: 1) The odour is in the limbic brain, not in the mouth, not in the breath, nowhere in the familiar physical time-space world. Please also read the closing end of the day text of this Herald issue, it gives a fuller understanding of such reality problems, and they too are normal, as is evident in the article, nobody can escape them. 2) The thinking brain very poorly convinces the emotional one. The latter is always stronger. The more you touch the problem with thoughts, the more are the emotions triggered, and the worse, of course, gets the problem. This is not at all uncommon. I have seen perfectly well shaped young women had their breasts cut off by simpleminded surgeons, in the belief that the women had back problems because of their breats, why of course they had - they thought they had not a foul smell, but obscenly large breasts, and always shrouded them and hunched their upper back and shoulders trying to hide them even more, perfectly beautiful and any young man´s dream as they were, but not according to the womens´ limbic whims which created hunching and back tension, etc. - You are fortunate it´s only your breath, nobody can cut that off unneccessarily! 3) The problem can be outfoxed, because emotions die when they are denied nourishment. This is equally valid for great human love passions as for little inconvenient obcessice compulsory disorders. Treatment plan. Have courage. You need all the courage you have. Whenever you become aware of your foul breath, simply ignore it. Don´t give in to checking it or having anybody discuss it. Just ignore, and you´ll be surprised, after 15 minutes the pang of anxiety will begin to shrink. But stay fast, it will strike again. Next strike, use the same strategy, ignore, and the attack will die again. Never use your thinking brain, never reason about it. Just ignore. Further on, try to brush your teeth less often than you do now, and little by little, expose your friends and other people for your breath. Get used to this. Experience what happens. Finally, don´t brush your teeth for days. Will people run away from you? Well, find out for yourself! Muster your courage. I bet they won´t. You see, all nature smells something, the earth, the ocean, the trees, fresh cut wood, new mown grass, human skin in sun, sweat, saliva, everything - and these smells are even a prerequisite for forming relationships, men and women are drawn to each other, not only because of looks, but also because of smells, although the latter are not often made conscious, they just go with the general picture. So good luck! Q: Checking my birthmarks takes all my time. They always seem to change and I am afraid some of them might become dangerous. No doctors give me appointments any more. I am deeply concerned. What shall I do? A: Just read the above question and answer and replace ´foul breath` with ´birthmarks`. A tremendous amount of problems most often thought of as medical, but sometimes even as psychotic, have this type of background, causing unbelievable suffering. Our psyche is the window to the world, all right, but as you can read in the end of the day, at the same time also inseparable from this world. A lot of research is being undertaken by the Ministry of Health to clarify problems of reality, how to cure unneccessary distortions of it, and how to actually influence it plainly and powerfully through the psyche, to make it as good a place as possible to live in. Q: I am an alcoholic, but I cannot submit to all the perfect Minnesota model therapeuts. I am ruining my health, my business, my marriage, everything, but I cannot stop. Is there any hope remaining for me, or must I folow my black half, as it were, to a sure death? A: If the Minnesota doesn´t work for you, then you are not the Minnesota type. To you emotion and being wild is important. Look at the poor indigenous peoples, virtually dumped in the back yards of civilisation, so many alcoholics. Why? They cannot live dreamtime any more, it has been overrun by trash and highways. This is no longer a question of some little part of your limbic system firing to your consciousness unpleasant relentless thoughts of bad breath, excessive handwashing, birthmarks, something wrong with the breasts, or whatever, it is total havoc. It is Revolution. You are separated from your deeper wild self, the magican in you, the greater world behind your inner doors, otherworld, unthought of universes. And the only means you have left to reaching it are drugs associated with altered states of consciousness. But there comes along the army of parrots, wanting you to join, calling "I´m a parrot, and an alcoholic, alcoholism is a disease, this disease is genetic, all human genes are being mapped in the 20 billion HUGO project, if with this particular disease one as much as touches liquor only once one is doomed, we are powerless, Hail Science, we shall never touch liquor again and live happily ever after". -- But, how then will you be able to get back to dreamworld, the core of your true power?? At heart of your problem is creativity, dreamworld. Creativity is timeless, as are the unthought of universes. For you as an alcoholic there are two obvious avenues to dreamworld, one is going on drinking, another is dying. Both lead to dreamworld. However, if you drink yourself broke before you die, there is a discontinuity problem, years of poverty and suffering. So we perhaps need to look for a third option. Your black half, as you said, is the one craving for alcohol. Here the issue is not letting him wither, like a little obcessive compulsory disorder firing weed in your limbic garden. You cannot afford him killed, he is your guardian figure of creativity, and far too important to be dealt with lightly, he is really nothing less but you, in your totality, which to you amounts to the same as the whole universe together with all the timeless unthought of universes and the whole hog including the postage. And he wants alcohol. You cannot really be courageous and ignore this. He will not shrink like anxiety of bad breath. He is you, and you cannot undo a relationship with yourself. He cannot be ignored to death. And he knows what Minnesota wants to do to him. So he leaves, deeply troubled, and so unhappy that natural death really becomes a far better option than a crippling Minnesota death, dying one half at a time. Sometimes emotions are stubborn. Maybe we do not always need to take the same old route, read the same old tale, take the same old drug. Maybe there exist other paths to dreamworld. Pot, peyote, powerful meditation on power places at night, when suddenly your perception breaks through the barriers, shamanic drums, wild dancings, ground breaking creations of thought, anything with the taste of wilderness from within, firewood heated sauna with your lover in a deep forest next to a lake in the dark, creation of yourself in the moment, interaction with people, all building bridges to otherworld you have never even thought were at all possible. Suggested strategy. Sit down with your black half. Aquaint yourself with him. Aknowledge him fully, such as he is. Know that he is you, infinitely wiser than the part in flesh you already know, and call by your christian name. Assure him you will treat him well, take heed of his messages, and give him more than alcohol, much more. This requires no courage, it requires love, unconditional love, there exists no other kind. Often love is mistaken for a deal between people. Not so here. You, the universe, all are equally loveable, all is you. In this all is love, in love you find creation, from creation come thoughts, and thoughts form the outer world. This is your true nature. Anything below this level you find in various theories and convictions. There is a secret with ridding oneself of alcoholism, the lack of method. People think science has found some, but it really hasn´t. Not even struggle is required. The change comes from within, once you aknowledge your total self - all the white and black, all the guilt, anything, whatever with whoever whenever and multidimensionally - with no effort at all. If you live the whole of your bewildering multifacetted dreamtime body, it grants you instant health and power, because then you simply have found where these things are. And this is, again, the real you. I wish you an interesting continuation of your life. P.S. Clients with alcohol related problems can seek assistance on the address given after the end of the day trext. SWEDISH OPPOSITION PARTY LEADER BILDT DONATES BROTHEL TO LADONIA. We are very delighted indeed of this gesture of good-will from one of the principal competitors on the Swedish elections arena. Remaining faithful to Swedish traditions we will call our new institution the House of Care, since in Sweden everything not entirely politically correct is being named care, criminal care for convicts and venue care for cleaning ladies. Such ladies are by the way called Putsfrauen in German, and Baltic Germans maybe still remember that in Estonian Puts means the same very body part of a woman, which among her other charms, will be the one of principal interest in our new Ladonian House of Care. Estonians are a very old people, and possibly their more archaic root word has later inspired the English to a rather similar word, somehow designating fur or something simply furry in greater generality. Whatever the case, since we are dealing with an institute of care, it will fall under the domain of the Ministry of Health, and our Minister of Health, Doktor Emanuel von Bock, has been appointed head inspector of the house. There has also been appointed a Ladonian care provider-in-chief, and for that reason our beautiful Reichsgrafiker Vera has this autumn commenced a proffessional training i physio-care-therapy. As care provider-in-chief she will probably be named Angel. The public is cordially invited to enjoy the widely varied menu of care soon
available, heavenly care, heavenly care de luxe, divine care, French
care, ordinary care, relaxing care, ocean care, rock care, the NIMIS
unlimited, Arx spanking, any care, budget care, or simply a social chat. |
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Our Minister of Health gives us some visionary aspects of travel and how to understand the world: So another of this year´s chilly late summer days turns golden, is reduced to dusk, and soon swallowed by darkness where only live the unattainable stars, after all the sky with its yet towering yet torn, forever-travelling clouds was put on fire for a brief moment, glowing and passing like passion in our difficult lives - one moment we experience it, maybe even a forbidden moment, and soon enough all is trodden to dust by rigid society where love is an eufemism for safe posession, nobody can have more than one wife, that is, one dimension of time, and nothing at all is going on in the minds of men. Order... to hell with order! Last week I visited Estonia. It was a wild experience. Already the catamaran from Helsinki went full speed over rough sea, nobody was able to stay put in their seats, everybody flying towards the ceiling, but cheering and celebrating, laughing, you could hear some throwings up as well, but nobody minded, it was great fun. Ashore, I was stricken by the beauty of Tallinn Old Town, so old, so open, so fair in colour, and so full of variety. It could have passed for any town far south, even for Damaskus at the city wall, but never for our neighbor country Sweden. Stockholm Old Town is about the same size, a little younger, a lot darker, and so monotonous, the same boring restaurant everywhere, the same antique shop, nothing daring. The same bicycle helmets, soon the same pedestrian hard hats. Issues of safety and perfection. All like a blocked chakra in the body of humankind. Life should be chaotic, the moment, the oppurtunity... and above all, being different! So fellow Ladonians: Be yourself! This is the only true recipie of longevity. If you let your inner self down, you cannot sustain neither your world, nor your body. Uncountable unhappy patients undergo medical treatment or psychotherapy because society fails to understand this. And yet it is elementary. You don´t have to be a shaman to understand it. Olden logic suffices: All you perceive is contaminated by your means of perception, and you can never know where goes a postulated line between something possibly outer and something possibly inner. This question lacks any meaning whatsoever, because it is unanswerable. And if a question has no answer, it is not a question, it´s a koan. Thus, looking at the world, you look at yourself. The status of the world, especially near you, is the status of yourself. Indeed, it actually is you. All the magic and all that is boring. Your house, your body, your car, your country... And especially the fortune teller, if you consult one. Wouldn´t you think these things would tend to stay healthier - if the mover of your world, your inner core self (provided you haven´t given it away to some authority figure or sacrificed it on the altar of old fashioned atomist science) - if this mover could move more freely? A new avenue to happyness, health, and fulfilment, will be taught as of today, August 30 1998, in the House of Health in eastern Ladonia, 24 hours a day every day around the year, where instructions will be given in absence and in silence, from unfathomable deapths of the universe. Emanuel von Bock, Minister of Health. P.S. The new therapy has been tried out (in an ordinary non-silent form) for 2 years with good success in a limited circle of patients with various life crisis problems. It is inspired from the latest advances in humanistic and transpersonal psychology, as taught in the circle of Scientific & Medical Network UK, and will now be commercially available to a wider public. Inquiries can be sent to: Toomas Mathiesen MD, fax +46 (0)42 367280, or e-mail, Toomas Mathiesen@nvs.Itskane.se |
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Vera Porad, Executive Editor
Lars Vilks, Secretary of State of Ladonia
Lars Vilks
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S-260 43 Arild
Sweden
© Copyright 1998 Lars Vilks and Arrive Inter Media
Created : 1998-09-07
